February 26, 2020

Fabricated Press

Breaking the news for breaking news

Man with Birthday tells everyone to suck his dick

Wally Potsteiner of Wakepoint Florida stormed into the local McDonald’s with a black eye, and a bruised ego. “He looked like he wanted something for free, but he wasn’t gettin’ it,” said the new Manager. Turns out Wally had taken steps that morning to set himself apart from the crowd, mainly by telling everyone to suck his dick “real good” — and proclaiming “it’s my motherfuckin’ birthday, turdbuckets!”

Mr. Potsteiner reportedly walked into the children’s Playzone, where he was then asked to leave the premises.

I wanna be just like him when I’m pushing 40, ya feel me

Gerald, 17 – Fry Cook

No crimes were reported, but Wally has been memorialized by the management team as “the dopest white dude we done did ever got in here.”