I’d already been getting food and cars and haircuts and stuff online anyway. The hard part was getting that nincompoop from UPS to cart stuff 10 extra feet to the garage.

Rev. Lobotoy smiles and strokes a quarter.

A new dating site guarantees TOTAL safety, thanks to its revolutionary policy that forbids membership to weirdos, stalkers, and murderers.

Another distinguished attendee is artist Mortimer Melon, an outspoken advocate of the labor class. His paintings are socially conscious and generally do not sell, so he lives in an enlightened fashion off heavy investments in Wal-Mart. Melon called the

Marvin’s controversial approach has gained national acclaim thanks to his recent self-help bestseller, Win by Losing a Little Each Day.

Local antique dealer Leslie Ragg has raised a few eyebrows this fall with an unconventional Halloween lawn ornament–the corpse of a late client and ping pong buddy, Kipper Bernard.

Slab: I have always been fascinated with gray. No, perhaps “fascinated” is too strong a word. “Mildly intrigued” might be more accurate, and not so startling.

Querby plies his craft in a cozy home office on a third floor apartment that appears to have been renovated in the late 1920s. Despite the lessened effects of gravity at this altitude, Querby’s sizable bulk remains firmly attracted to the floor as he chu